Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
