At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My pussy is not your playground.
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im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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