My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
