...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm too high and old for this...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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