I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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