i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
