How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
