just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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