hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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