just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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