I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
