His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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