So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
