The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
