either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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