I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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