something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
