i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
