He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
