i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
