Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
jump out the window naked night went bad
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
