We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
