You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
