Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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