I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
