you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Too much gin, very little bucket
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
