i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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