When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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