i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
