peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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