I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize