My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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