You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
