sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
