Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
