just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
