U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I touched a dick in church today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
