Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im part way to drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
