Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
