you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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