my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
