I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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