Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
And then he peed in my hair
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