she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
