did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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