Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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