by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
