I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
