I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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