So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize