i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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