She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
