He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
