my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
