Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
