Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My liver just had a heart attack.
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How does it feel to date your dad?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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