i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't turn off my feet"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
