Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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